Thursday, August 13, 2009

Live updates from night one of the senior women's competition

8:00pm - Nastia fluff. We're talking about her Beijing AA win...

Should they not, at this point, just call the 2009 Visa's the Nastia Show?

She IS warming up bars, though - has she decided to go for it? Turns out - no. Shit.

Also, she has supersized her poof today.

8:05 - Dagget is saying crap. Who cares. No Trautwig, but we do have Elfi and John

I love Woga's warm up suits. I want one.

"The 2009 Visa Championships are brought to you by...VISA." (I shit you not, that was
actually just announced) Thank you for that BLINDING flash of the obvious.


8:08 - Kayla Williams on beam. solid - lacking flexibility - nice double pike dismount. Wonder if she got credit for her full turn with leg at horizontal, since her leg was not really at horizontal? 13.8

Rebecca Bross on vault. Fumbled the landing. Poor block and stepped out of bounds.


8:12 - Ivana Hong on vault. DTY - looks good. step on the landing. 14.6

Cassie Whitcomb on bars. Great set - nice form/toepoint. Stuck solid landing. 14.8

Brooke Parker is standing around, looking confused, as always.

Jana Bieger on vault. *sigh* 1.5 Yurchenko - landed flat on her ass. She didn't even fall -
she just landed on her ass. Literally. Alright, alright - I feel bad for her. She's still one of
our girls. 13.05

Sam Peszek on vault. Powerful DTY - hard landing - her head kind of jerked, but it was
pretty solid. Leg separation in the air, step on the landing, but she looked pretty damn good. 14.55

Bridget's hair looks ADORABLE in that curly bun thing. Love it.

Bridget Sloan on vault. DTY. Really great. Legs stuck together, tiniest of hops on the landing. 14.9. She's in it to win it.

Mackenzie Caquatto on beam. She hit the floor, but I missed the skill, as I was looking down. Shit. Her leo is hideous, but she's adorable. Also, in the middle of her set, someone yelled what sounded like "Get your butt off the floor!" Will wonders never cease?


8:32 - Bridget is in the lead, followed by Cassie Whitcomb and Ivana Hong.

Andrea Joyce is on the floor being Andrea Joyce. She's interviewing Mattie Larson and Sam Shapiro, and rubbing their lack of ability to participate due to injury in their faces. Hate her.

Rebecca Bross on bars. Didn't hit all her handstands, but her tkatchev and jaeger had were phenomenal amplitude. Leg separation in giants, but she stuck the dismount cold. 15.05

Kytra Hunter on floor. She's terrific. Her second pass, with the front double pike, was great, and all but her final pass were stuck cold. Little short on the last pass, but held onto it. 14.4

Ivana on bars. She's clean, but her tkatchev is, as always, so insanely low. Please, Valeri - give the girl a jaeger or, in my dream world, a comaneci salto instead. Her double layout dismount was better than at Classics, but she still took a big old step. Still heart her. 14.05

8:45 - Carly Patterson is applying lipgloss. I'm really glad she isn't singing. Have you heard her National Anthem? It's...problematic.

Jana on bars. She's a hot mess - her form is all over the place - but her dismount was nice, and stuck cold. Her legs came apart in almost every handstand, and she took some odd pauses and almost dropped a few. It also appears that something might be living in her hair. 14.35

Love Bridget's and Sam's leos.

Bridget on bars. She looks terrific. Her toepoint still lacks, but her toe on reverse hecht was great, and she stuck her double layout dismount totally cold. 14.55

Rebecca Clark on floor. Really nice tumbling, pretty dance and jumps. Stepped out of bounds on her last pass. A little zzzzzzzzzz.........

Chellsie Memmel on beam!!! Solid as ever, and so damn STRONG. Her form still sucks, but at this point, it's not going to improve. I've accepted that. Her pike double back dismount was great, save for a step on the landing. She never ceases to amaze. 13.8...WHA? Dagget says it's the new code...

9:00 - Kayla Williams on floor. Great tumbling, crap dance and jumps, triple full side pass, blah blah blah. Now they're comparing her to Alicia - who has some semblance of flexibility. Alicia would CRUSH this girl.

Andrea Joyce interviewing Carly Patterson and her lipgloss. Snooze...

Chatter chatter chatter from the commentators. Ugh.

Standings: Bross, Sloan, Hong. Love them all, but I can't help but cheer for Bridget.

Ivana on beam. She looks good. Her form is, as always, stunning. Straight legs, pointed toes. Lovely Onodi. She bobbled once, but she looks INFINITELY better than at Classic. She has to be pleased.

Nastia on beam!!! She wasn't at her best - she had some slight but uncharacteristic balance checks, and she went over time. She removed The Liukin and replaced it with an arial cartwheel. Fortunately, she also removed that weird, awkard extra full turn she had at Classic right after her full turn with leg at horizontal. She looked like a somewhat out of practice Nastia, but she's still stunning to watch. 14.45


9:15 - Sam Peszek on beam - Hot. DAMN. She is rock solid. I don't think she wobbled. Her piked double back dismount was terrific. She MUST be on the World team. She MUST. 15.0 Valeri is even hugging her, and she just handed his daughter her ass.

Bridget on beam. Oh, dear - no sooner did she mount the beam then she fell on a leap. Otherwise, she truly looked great. Her dismount was solid, and now she's being hugged by her fellow Olympic teammates. Damn...I hate it for her. 13.95


9:30 - Rebecca Bross on beam. Save for a few bobbles, she looked good - up until the end. She was too far from the end of the beam on her dismount, which could have ended in injury, but while she avoided smacking her head, she fell right on her fanny on the dismount because her legs were locked and she hit the mat at an angle. It was like stabbing a straw into an unpeeled orange. Bless her heart.


9:37 - Andrea is interviewing Nastia. AJ said about Rebecca Bross, "She had a little bit of a rough landing on the beam." No. Fucking. SHIT. Hate her.

Standings: Bross, Hong, Sloan, Kayla Williams.

Jana Bieger on floor. She actually looked acceptable - her tumbling was solid - until she fell on her piked double back dismount. She just cannot bring the pretty with all of those big skills. 13.3

AJ is interviewing Chellsie, who was "terrified" going in. AJ is asking Chellsie questions and interrupting her. Hate her.

Sam Peszek on floor. She is going to be such a star in college. she has all the sass and attitude, and all the skills to go along. Love her. And love her double layout. 14.2

Bridget Sloan on floor. She looks tired and not completely into it. Her energy level does not match her upbeat music. All of her passes had rough landings, including one out of bounds, except her piked double back dismount, which was very nice. Poor Bridge. 14.3

9:55 - Kytra Hunter on bars. Nice, boring beam routine - but a sky-high tkatchev.

Rebecca Bross on floor. She looks very much like her heart is simply not in it. All the skills are there, but she looks like she's kind of done. She did go out of bounds on one of her passes. She's trying to suck it up and smile now. 14.35

Ivana on floor. She's been mostly clean all night. She kept up the trend. Her leaps are so beautiful, extended and sky high.

I actually agree with Elfi on at least one thing - the new rule that lunges after tumbling pass landings will incur a deduction. This is Tomfoolery. This is hogwash. This is a bunch of other hilljack, backwoods terms I learned (learnt) from my Appalachian family. It looks so much nicer, so much cleaner anre polished, tp lunge after a pass, as if to say, "I'm finished now, and wasn't that lovely?" It gives the pass much-deserved attention. It's not a cheat - it's artistry. I think this will be a short lived rule.


10:04 - Standings after night one:

Rebecca Bross
Ivana Hong
Bridget Sloan
Kytra Hunter
Mackenzie Caquatto
Kayla Williams

Andrea Joyce is interviewing Bross. Maybe AJ will kick her in the ovary and ask her why she's such a failure. Hate her.

Now she's interviewing Bridget. And interrupting her as she tries to answer a question. Maybe AJ will put her in a headlock and punch her repeatedly in the boobs.


  1. I LOVE YOU.

    I honestly find quick hits boring but informative usually, but I love love love your perfect mix of actual fact and kick ass personal opinion. You made me laugh out loud a number of times.

    Please keep up the quick hits for night two!

  2. I love you, too! Thanks so much for the positive feedback - I am going to make every effort to offer live updates on Saturday, too.

  3. This is the best thing I have read about Nationals ever!!I did like John R commentating though, I think he sort of loathes Elfi and Tim.

    And I completely agree with you about Sam!!! She's gorgeous and confident!