Thursday, January 27, 2011

Not much to say about the Hilton/USAG partnership...

...'cause it's all in that grown-up talkin' business speak. Something about Paris Hilton giving them her old mattresses for the trampoline people to practice on...whatevs. If it's more money and more publicity for the sport, bring it on. Maybe just Lysol and Febreeze those mattresses first.

I did enjoy reading about the Ranch's facilities list. It includes:


Two artistic gymnastics training facilities (50,000 sq. ft. total)
  • You know--the discipline that USAG gives a shit about.
Multi-purpose training gym for rhythmic and acrobatic gymnastics, trampoline and tumbling (32,000 sq. ft.)
  • Share it, red-headed stepchildren.
Medical and rehab facilities
  • Most frequently used facility; connected to every other facility by secret tunnels that spray a cortisone mist on all who pass through.
Dance studio
  • Storage.
Dining hall
  • Shares space with dance hall. Iceberg lettuce and grapes served daily.
Housing for 300 participants, coaches and administrators
  • Hilton beds. Plastic sheets/Lysol will not be provided.
Athlete lounge, complete with large TV
  • For spying on the Russians.
Recreational facilities, including Olympic-size swimming pool, basketball court, tennis court, volleyball court, indoor whirlpool and sauna
  • For burning off those grape salads.
Internet access
  • For Tweeting. And spying on the Russians.


  1. Sometimes they lock Aly in there, too. It seems harsh, but I think we can all agree that her leaps and jumps are improving.