I knew it before I even set the DVR. I knew, and I did it anyway. I'm a damned fool.
The Progressive Skating & Gymnastics Spectacular was boring last year. This time, it was painful. Crimes were committed. CRIMES, I SAY!
(Disclaimer: I admit, I fast forwarded through the skating. I just really don't like it. So there you go.)
First and foremost, let me say this: Ashley Tisdale has a very good singing voice. She's a pretty good performer. I like her alright. That said, I do not want to watch her when there is tumbling going on. So stop spending so much time on her glittery eyeshadow and give me more gymnastics!
Secondly, Courtney Kupets was GROSSLY underutilized. Shawn, too. I actually felt offended. There were so many routines with the guys - and the fucking parallel bars - that there was no time left for the girls to do anything but play second fiddle. Third, if you count their screen time compared to Sharpay's.
Furthermore - WTF, Nastia? I know you're out of training. I do not expect you to throw a two and a half twist or a double back. But I was hoping for...well, not a back handspring series. Preceded by walking around and emoting. Followed by more walking around and emoting, and then traveling via figure skater. And then touching the high bar support. And completing a leap OFF the beam. Can a sister get a handstand, or a walkover, or a leap ON the beam? No? Just a climb up there and jump off? Alright. Fine. Hey, I know - go hang on to some figure skaters again. You know - give the audience what they came for.
At least in her brief moment of glory, Kupets tumbled a little on the beam. Nastia looked like she forgot to take the coat hanger out of her top. Whoever (whomever?) "choreographed" for her should be beaten with a rhythmic club.
The highlight would have been Shawn's routine with the Hamms had we gotten to see the whole thing. Instead we memorized Sharpay's pore pattern and watched silhouettes of Johnsons and Hamms tumble on a poorly lit floor. I have to say, as I have agreed with others on the IG forums - Shawn's dancing is looking really great. I think she could WORK a more mature floor routine if she came back. I never, ever thought of Shawn as awkward, but compared to her fluidity and grace post DWTS, she was downright clunky. She's grown up quite a bit, but not in a bad way.
Now get your ASS back in the gym full time, Johnson!
I also somewhat enjoyed the men's first go (of many) on the PB. The choreographed bit at the end with all of them on the bars was really well done. And I was glad Horton did his thang on the HB, too.
Like I said - I knew it before I set the DVR. But man, these things suck ass. The awkward "Wow, I'm so impressed with the other sport's athletes!" interviews with the cast make me cringe. The lame attempts at cultural relevance by mixing in songs like "Single Ladies" and "Boom Boom Pow" (yeah - I did see part of that routine. OUCH.) hurt my soul.
Never again. I am done with these crapfests. Until the next one, anyway. Think they'll get Demi Lovato to perform for that one? I can't wait to see what she's wearing. And have it burned into my retinas.