I love a good bitch face. Nothing finishes off a bar set or a floor routine like a good old fashioned "I will effing cut your ass" look tossed at the competition. Rather than mock the look of death, we instead use this time to embrace - nay, to celebrate - Ultimate Bitch Faces in Gymnastics.
She shaved. A section. Of her EYEBROW. She is scary, and hard, and I love it. And that's where her Bitchface truly becomes her own - it's meant to inspire fear. Excellent.
"What now, hoes? WHAT NOW!? YOU WANT A PIECE?"
"My eyebrow, you say? I buried it with the body of the last little pixie who thought she had a more solid beam routine than me."
Boguinskaya scared the crap out of me before I understood the loveliness of her gymnastics. I was convinced that she was going to pick up Shannon Miller or Kerri Strug or some equally tiny gymnast and just eat her if she got in the way. Her Bitchface always carried an intensity. She seemed to look right through people, uninterested and in no mood to eff around. It's truly a thing of beauty.
"What it matters? Competition no can start until I am ready to go! Judges salute to ME!"
The strength of Khorkina's Bitchface lies in her originality. Sveta uses her face to express any and every emotion - joy, contempt, disbelief, anger, pride, etc. No one used their face to full effect the way Khorkina did.
"Bullsheet. I von. Who zee hell is Carla Pattinson?"
"Fall off zee bars? Quveen Sveta does not fall off zee bars! Quveen Zveta is zee uneven bars...vell...QUVEEN!"
I actually feel like Nastia is probably a really nice chick. But if looks could kill - even unintentionally - there'd be no one left for her to compete against. Where Nastia stands apart from her competition is in sheer variety. There are too many FANTASMAGORIC shots of her impeccable Bitchface to choose only one. So I didn't.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me. Bitch is SO getting sliced tonight..."
"Bring it, Tweddle."
"Of COURSE the silver medal is an honor! Why would the silver medal be anything but a FUCKING honor? Shawn is a delight. We're all SO glad to have her as a senior. Right, Chells? Right?"
"Just remember who won the All Around, 'kay, short shit?"