Friday, August 6, 2010

Inside Gymnastics thinks we're all just swell.

According to Inside Gymnastics' Power 25 Preview, you and I (the fans!) are the tenth most powerful force in gymnastics. The athletes and HBsIC all tune in to see what riveting insight and snark we will provide, on message boards, blogs, and Youtube comments.

Oh, really...

Well. In that case, I have a few things to say.

An Open Letter to the Powers that Be in Gymnastics

Dear Nastia,

I thought for sure that Shawn's announcement and subsequent training would be enough to push you back into the gym. You said 2012 was important to you, but I'm sensing a falsehood has been told. It's okay if you're done--it really is. Just stop toying with my emotions. If you're fine with Shawn becoming the best bar worker* we have in the States, then I am, too.

Dear Shawn,

I hear your training is going well. Do not get hurt. Do not let Martha break you. Do not forget that it's okay to ease back into competing with only a few events ready, a la Alicia at Classic. I'm excited to see you back (next year, perhaps?). But if you change your mind, I'm coming to Iowa and locking you in the gym with cornstalks. You've been forewarned.

Dear Martha,

Stop breaking gymnasts. I love the idea of the girls going to camps and training together, but for crying out loud, stop crippling them. You've got a brilliant strategic mind, and yours and Bela's knowledge is legendary, but I am sick to death of reports coming out of camp of more broken elites. Back off. If you break Raisman or Weiber, I will be forced to declare Thumb War on you, and I have ridiculously large hands for an average size female.

Dear Bruno,


Dear Steve,

Make Martha stop breaking gymnasts. Go to a camp and observe. Offer me a job as a telecommuting writer. Technical writing, press releases, you name it--I'm on it. Seriously. I have two semesters left until I earn my degree. Let's talk.

*wipes glaring pathetic shame from face, moves on*

Dear Universal Sports,

I love you. I do. You've given me live gymnastics from the convenience of my computer, making quick-hit blogging possible and convenient. I'd like to propose that you add more coverage. Send someone to Pac Rims in the spring, and be not afraid of broadcasting the junior competitions, as well. Trust me--the people who are tuning in to watch gymnastics on Universal Sports are not casual, unknowledgeable viewers. It's the diehards, the ones who will absolutely sit online all day to watch both the junior AND senior competitions. Give us both, and we'll spend more time on your website. Crunch some numbers. Make some calls. You can make this work.

Also, if you're hiring next year...

Okay, at this point, my kid is asking for me to love and appreciate her, so I'm gonna bounce. Feel free to provide your own Open Letters, which Inside Gymnastics assures us will be read, in the comments section.

*runs off to pretend puzzles are fun*

*That's not a knock on Shawn--I think her bars are quite nice, actually. Not crazy dynamic, but definitely clean.


  1. Dear Shawn,

    Given your win on DWTS and your time away from the sport, I propose that you think long and hard what to contribute in your comeback. Yes, having you around will be wunderbar but can I humbly suggest you come back with panache? What do I mean? Spend a few hours on youtube reviewing the Romanians & Soviets from the 80s and early 90s. Do something different & dynamic. Gymnastics has become too robotic. Need names? Tatiana Groshkova is a good place to start. Her beam and floor are a delight. Moreover, challenge yourself. I know your knee is hurt, why not take this opportunity (if you haven't) to excel at the bars! Make it your goal to win gold on the bars in 2012. Thank you :)